I've been keeping pretty busy but at the end of the day, I just get sad. I knew this was going to be a hard six months with Anthony leaving, but I didn't imagine it was going to be this tough. We have been apart since May, yes, but only by location. We talked almost every day, in some way...phone calls...emails...texts...gchats...but now I've been thrown into this whole new world where I only get to see his updates on his fancy hiker GPS.
"Courtney, you should be thankful he even has that." And I am. But why does that mean I had to say Good bye to him altogether? It's only been a week but I am frantically dreading the next six excruciating months. I miss him so much.
I know it's not fair for me to feel this way, though. He has been telling me for months that this was coming. He is experiencing so many new things, learning new skills, meeting new friends, hiking and getting tired throughout the day, so why would I ever expect him to send me a text while on the trail or email me when he's laying in his hammock at night? That's just silly. He's out in the wild to get rid of technology and frankly, the ruined society right now.
So I should just respect his decision, suck it up, and just get over my stupid, irrational feelings, right? As much as I want to be, I just have to get over the fact that I am not a priority right now and that's a hard pill to swallow. I know in my heart that once he is back or the second he gets into a hotel some time, he will call me. But in the meantime, I am waiting.
I hate waiting.
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