Glimmer of hope

After whining on here at on my journal about being sad not talking to Anthony, he called me last night and we talked for a long time! I was so happy to hear from him. He's hiked over 110 miles, and is loving it. He's hiking with three people, each with their own nicknames already but he and Tom don't have them yet. There's Pork Steak, who likes to eat pork steak, who is married to Somersault, who tripped and fell on the trail and did a somersault, and then there's Inspector Gadget, who is always prepared with anything a hiker would ever need! He only got rained on two days, but he said he was staying positive while thinking about how it's nice to have a water supply easily available. One cold night, he slept great because of his fancy schmancy hiking gear, while Tom was freezing and awake all night. They stayed in a motel yesterday and last night, and woke up to get on the trail again. He said that he got a lot of "trail magic" last week, with free pancakes and breakfasts from nearby people!

I am so happy to hear from him and know that even though he's hiking a ton, he's still loving every mile and having lots of good food to eat. He said he's not really looking forward to the stingy northerners, because all the southern people on the trail love helping the thru-hikers so much. Haha.

Anyway, I found the most perfect apartment in the world. OK, it's not perfect. But it's pretty damn close. A pool...lots of living space...huge kitchen...gated property...dog park...yoga studio...huge gym...1/2 hour from the Metro...omg I loved it. Kyra, though, isn't sold yet and it's because it's not too close to a lot of things. I understand completely, but part of me wants to be very honest and just say, "Girl, you're never going to find anything for this price anywhere else." Instead, I said, "I understand if you don't like it, but it's amazing. Let me know what you think." I hope she wants it. Huge closets...balcony...dishwasher...full-sized washers and dryers...bay window...you just can't find those things anywhere for under $1000 a person! Here's the catch. Minus the location not being prime, the complex is right next to the Metro and Amtrak tracks. A bunch of people wrote, "Noisy" on their reviews, but I was on the property during rush hour and hardly noticed the noise. Our building wouldn't be on the tracks, either, which is good. Also, the complex is full of people and dogs, and the fact they allow dogs is huge because a ton of properties up here don't. I hope she comes around! We'll see, though. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. You should cross your fingers too.

SO now I'll talk about work. I hate it right now. I know people go through stages where they hate their jobs, but I hate it. HATE. I hurt just thinking about having to go to work the next day most of the time. It's because I'm coasting and my to-do list is packed full of shit that Interior Designers never have to do. Elevator shaft sections? Garage vestibules? It's just so frustrating. But they say, "Courtney, you have the skills to do this, trust us." But I really wish I could do interiors work. Danielle looked over my shoulder the other day at work and said, "What on Earth are you doing?! I've never had to do that in my entire career." (Career of five years, I believe.) I wish that people would understand that yes, I love KGD, but sometimes I just HATE the work they give me, with an utter, inner, boiling passion. If I had to do these tasks continuously throughout my career, I would definitely switch careers. The long hours, the unhappy people, the low pay...it's enough to scare anyone away from the profession. Brian, my supervisor at work, said, "Did you ever notice that all the Architects in the movie are refined, rich, and look like they sleep every night?" Then he just laughed as if to say, "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight."

If I was to switch careers, though, I wouldn't know where to start. Just like in college when I asked myself, "If you were to switch majors, what would you study?" I never had a good answer, so I didn't ever switch. Some day, I want to love my job. I want to look forward to going to work everyday instead of dreading it. I want to surround myself with optimistic, happy people instead of grumpy, overworked architects. If I was put into a situation where I would have to move to a location that didn't have an Architecture/Interior Design job for me, I would want to bake or be a Mom or go back to school to be a teacher or I would be an event planner. I think those would all be nice. I couldn't afford to go back to school, actually, so that probably rules that one out of my list. Maybe. Maybe if I was to go back to Blacksburg one day, I could get my Masters in Interiors and become a studio teacher and ask students silly questions like, "What is that?" They would say, "It's a box." "No, it's not just a box. What does it mean to you?"
"It's just a box."
"What does it do?"
"It doesn't do anything."
F for you!

Baking sure would be fun to do...everyone loves cakes. And those people who don't like cakes certainly love cupcakes or pies or baked brie or cookies. Everyone likes one of those. Even Ava, who swears she doesn't like sweets! Or Carie, who says she doesn't like cake.

It's 8:09pm on Tuesday. This means New Girl is on at 9! I better get cozy on the couch with some hot chocolate before it comes on!

Weirdest Dream Ever

Last night, I had a dream about an apartment I went to go look at. It was a 3 br/2 ba townhouse and the owners had sets of washers/dryers all over, including in the bedrooms and on the top landing of the stairs. I thought it was strange, but the woman explained that her husband sleeps with layers of wool blankets and each washer/dryer belonged to one of the blankets because they couldn't be washed together.

Naturally, I kept thinking in my dream how expensive their utility bills were! So I told them I would house sit for them when they left for the weekend to get a feel for the house and when they were sleeping that night, I walked in to check the place out again. I noticed one of the washers was plugged in but leaking and flames were starting to form but I just tucked the washer back into the corner because I knew I wasn't supposed to be in there. But I did feel guilty because that could've burned the house down, but I was more concerned about getting caught at the time.

Then I went to look at another place in Old Town, and the Living Room was converted into an indoor lacrosse field so I played with some people I didn't know and then I woke up.

A Long Summer Ahead

I've been keeping pretty busy but at the end of the day, I just get sad. I knew this was going to be a hard six months with Anthony leaving, but I didn't imagine it was going to be this tough. We have been apart since May, yes, but only by location. We talked almost every day, in some way...phone calls...emails...texts...gchats...but now I've been thrown into this whole new world where I only get to see his updates on his fancy hiker GPS.

"Courtney, you should be thankful he even has that." And I am. But why does that mean I had to say Good bye to him altogether? It's only been a week but I am frantically dreading the next six excruciating months. I miss him so much.

I know it's not fair for me to feel this way, though. He has been telling me for months that this was coming. He is experiencing so many new things, learning new skills, meeting new friends, hiking and getting tired throughout the day, so why would I ever expect him to send me a text while on the trail or email me when he's laying in his hammock at night? That's just silly. He's out in the wild to get rid of technology and frankly, the ruined society right now.

So I should just respect his decision, suck it up, and just get over my stupid, irrational feelings, right? As much as I want to be, I just have to get over the fact that I am not a priority right now and that's a hard pill to swallow. I know in my heart that once he is back or the second he gets into a hotel some time, he will call me. But in the meantime, I am waiting.

I hate waiting.

TGIF!

Last night, I kicked my butt doing a P90X workout. So much that I pretty much passed out after laying in bed at 10! ...right after a friend of mine called, actually...

So I've been stressing so much about my living situation and finding a one bedroom, but I knew that it would be hard to commit to anything knowing I wouldn't know where Anthony would be. I hear your comments now. "Courtney, you need to think about you and you alone right now." "Courtney, you can't depend on him right now because he doesn't even know where he'll be." "Courtney Courtney Courtney." Well, I would tell all of you that you have legit feelings, but I am following my heart and my heart is wherever Anthony is. ...except maybe hiking on the AT. I don't think it would want to hike 2100 miles in six months!

Anyway, a call from this friend, her name is Kyra, surprised me to say the least. She is looking for a roommate to live with her until her boyfriend, Shawn, moves in in December. I really really like Kyra, and I really like Shawn. I also would know where Anthony would be and I can take it one day at a time after that. Truly though, I also wouldn't mind living with both Shawn and Kyra if it ever came to that, as long as they didn't mind, haha! I think Anthony would be surprised at this decision because of how much I've been looking forward to getting a one bedroom apartment up here. But honestly, I just can't afford it comfortably and sign a huge lease by myself not knowing if I'm going to stay. So I am moving out and into another apartment May 1st!

Besides that, I have been so sore from my workout that I've felt like I have had a fever and tons of bruises all day. I keep thinking what Anthony is feeling right now, because at least I'm not hiking 15 miles a day with 35 lbs on my back! I got nothing done at work today, but we did go on a tour to IBS Millwork. Great company, such nice people, I loved it there! Then I came home and Maria's in town visiting! I really wanted to go see the cherry blossoms but I think that it's supposed to rain all day, and I wanted to see Hunger Games, but it's all sold out in DC! UGH!! Oh well :)

Second Thoughts

Today, I felt so good about the moving situation. I honestly feel like Foxchase is everything I wanted and more for an apartment. Unfortunately, when I went to ask one of my Principals at work about the location, he said, "I would be scared of the commute." Of course, the subject of money came up and me being my too-honest self said, "I can't afford to live up here." Hahaha. Why did I have to say anything? Anyway, besides that issue, he said, "I would advise you to be careful about that big commute. Maybe you should try it for a day." That's a great idea, honestly. I could drive down to Alexandria one day, take the shuttle and then the Metro then ride to work and see how it is. ...

OR I could look for another apartment. Those apartments run $1100 + electricity + gas + commuting. I wouldn't be able to save any money for the next few months but it's such a great quality of life compared to what I have now. ...BUT then there's the possibility of me trying to live in RiverPlace, which is right next to my office (no commute...) and it would be about $1285 a month which would include everything. I'm so conflicted. :( I wish I had someone else to help me with this and find the perfect place for me.

I also showed the apartment off tonight and felt awkward the whole time. She was rushing out of the apartment and was uncomfortable around Belle. More specifically, she didn't like Belle jumping on her. WELL, girlfriend, Belle jumps up. So I emailed her and said, "Maybe this isn't the best situation for you." I have three other girls looking in the next two weeks!

I'm not sure if you've ever heard of P90X but it's an intense 90-day work out regimen to get your butt in shape! Today was day 1 for me and I think my shoulders are going to fall off. Yep. Just fall right off. I learned something about myself today. I suck at push ups! The instructor on the DVD said, "Sometimes, your body can do more than you think it can. So push through it." Riiight. I was struggling! Day 1...haha.

Work work work

Today, I was woken up in the most abrupt way: a huge bolt of light and a loud clap of thunder, followed by constant barking. I'm dog-sitting for Belle while Amelia is in New Orleans, and I guess she's afraid of thunderstorms!! It was around 6:15 am and I just thought I would get up considering my alarm was going to go off soon.

So I headed to work by 8am, and worked my butt off until 6pm. Literally, I didn't leave my desk and I just kept chugging along, crossing things off my list left to right! I made lots of progress, and finished everything in such great timing! Our deadline was today, and we had to send out some drawings to our client by the end of the day today. Success!

Now, I'm just at home watching Cupcake Wars and responding to the many emails I have from people who want to move in to my apartment! I didn't think I would get any responders, well maybe one or two, but today I got four! Haha. Two girls are coming for a tour this week, one next week, and one in May if I don't find anyone to live here by then.

Keep your fingers crossed for me that I can find a good replacement!

Ew. Monday.

Why are Mondays so bad?...

Well, I had a great weekend with Mom. We ate some good food, spend endless hours chatting, did lots of knitting and pearling, I learned to cable knit, and we even went on an apartment tour and did only a little bit of shopping! When she left this morning, I was really really sad...

Today, I spent a lot of time at work and got a lot done. Deadline tomorrow...ew.

Anthony called me tonight too! It was so nice to hear from him. Lots of through hikers with him and Tom, they traveled about 12 miles I think today, and are loving every minute of it! I am sad he is gone, but there's some hope in the fact that every day he gets a little bit closer to me, right?

Honestly, though, I feel a bit guilty for not wanting to hike any of it with them. I don't know how I could without gear, a ride back after hiking a couple days, etc. Besides, I would feel a lot better picking them up to come to my apartment to get showered, eat lots of good food, and rest. I just don't want to look back and think that I didn't experience even a day of hiking with him through his journey. Then again, I know that this is a hobby I could potentially see myself getting into in the future with him, and then I won't feel bad...I hope.

Anyway, I'm in the process of trying to find a person to replace me in my apartment. So far, I have a couple inquiries to come by to see the place, but Amelia is in New Orleans right now so they're not able to meet her yet. That's the complicated part. Ok, just ask it. "Courtney, why are you the one trying to find someone to replace you and not Amelia?" Well, I am looking to move sooner than later (a) and (b) I feel bad for leaving. She always puts up a front to me letting me think she doesn't care about something and in turn, I just don't think much about it. Then, she breaks and comes to me sad and I don't know why but I am always blind-sided by the sudden emotion! I haven't ever dealt with someone like that, and I truly feel bad I don't recognize the real emotion before it erupts. That's kind of my fault. I need to be better about paying attention.

Maria's coming this weekend to stay with me and to go to the Cherry Blossom Festival! I'm really excited, because I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to go with anyone or not. Then Tess comes the next weekend and Easter's the next! Thennn, the next week is potentially one of the weekends I could be moving. HAH! Lots of things to do in the next few weeks!

I can't wait to be in my own apartment, though. There are so many things I am looking forward to, including making my own schedule, decorating how I want to decorate, leaving my mixer on my counter (I know this is crazy but I don't have this opportunity right now because of our small kitchen), I can't wait to have my own place to have people and MK customers over, etc. I am kind of nervous about my long commute from Alexandria. I'm anticipating two scenarios. One: a 15 minute shuttle to the Metro and a 45 minute Metro ride to Rosslyn. Two: Metro bus to Ballston and a 15 minute Metro ride to Rosslyn. Either way, it's almost an hour commute. In a way, I am glad this will give me the opportunity to read my Kindle. However, I am nervous about those days I will need to work late, etc. If I end up making more money in the future and I still live in the same place, I could actually drive to work and pay a bit more for my commute. Maybe not, though. We'll see I guess! I just have such a good feeling about the complex and the commute is just one little snag in the plan. I like my job, and now I'd like to LOVE my living situation. Anthony always tells me: some of your happiness is because of your job, but most of it is because of your home life, which includes family time.

Tomorrow's deadline is going to come soon, so I am going to get plenty of rest to prepare for it! Good night.

Anthony's Finally Off!

Anthony's finally gone to Georgia to start his 2,000 mile journey on the AT! It's March now, so I assume he'll be up in my area in May/June, and finish in August/September. I know it's something he's wanted to do for years, and something he wanted to do before starting a career, which I think is really admirable. If he wasn't to do it now, there wouldn't really be a better time. Years of preparation and months and months to wait for it...I can't even imagine what it'd be like. As much as I'd like to join for a couple days to walk with them, I know I don't have the gear or motivation to do it (sorry Anthony). I'm going to plan to pick him and Tom up when they get around my area in Front Royal to bring them back to shower and eat before heading back...

Did you know that a lot of people quit hiking on the first day because the first 9 miles leading to the trail are so strenuous? Those 9 miles aren't even considered part of the trail! Haha. Imagine...going through so much mental and physical "training" to build yourself up to hike and quitting in the first day?? That's almost embarrassing.

Anyway, in the meantime, I have been apartment searching! Not too hard, but I did go on a tour today and fell IN LOVE with a complex! It's called Foxchase in Alexandria. It's at the very top of my price bracket, but I'd be on my own and there's a free shuttle to the Metro that leads to work. I can read my Kindle on the way to work, which is really nice. The apartments I have been looking at are ones that have a one bedroom arrangement, with a washer/dryer in the building. Four pools...three fitness centers...an on-site Leasing Office with maintenance...free parking for guests on the street outside, etc. I can't believe it. It just seems too good to be true! I love my job, and now I think it's time to love my life outside of work. I can't wait to sign my new lease!