Can't sleep

I can't sleep. After all the whining and complaining from me about how tired I always am and how I need to sleep more, I can't get my eyes to close and when I do close them, they shiver continuously because of all the thoughts rushing through my head.

I'm thinking about why I'm still thinking, though...I am still bothered by that awful comment I heard last night at work, but I am also thinking it's because of the awful noise Amelia and I keep hearing in our apartment. It's happened every night for the past 4 nights (except for tonight, of course), and it's absolutely terrifying. It sounds like a huge semi truck running into our apartment. You are probably thinking it sounds like a brick wall crashing. No. It's more of that engine rumbling behind your car on the highway when they're wanting to pass you when you're going to slow for them. Anyway, I know I shouldn't be scared of just a noise, but it's loud enough to wake us up when we're in deep sleep AND keep us up for fear it would happen again. I think that's partially why I'm still up: I'm afraid of hearing that noise. We've told the maintenance people twice, and the leasing office twice, and what has anyone done to help us? Diddly squat! Nothing. I mean, what're they supposed to do???

So Amelia and I stayed up one night to listen for it, and it sounds like the pipes or something that are connected to the people above us' shower, so whenever they come home at night to take one, the noise happens. That's pretty much the only reasonable explanation for it, honestly. Oh, and now my light is flickering. That definitely doesn't help this fear, haha.

Another reason I think I'm still awake is because of work. I have been waking up at 7-7:30am every morning, work until 12, eat lunch for a half hour or sometimes just work through lunch, and going home any time between 7:30-10pm. I haven't had much time to myself, and the time I have is spent relaxing to get ready to go to sleep! It's a vicious cycle. I wish I didn't have to work so much and I wish I had more time to spend doing things I want to do more of, like baking and cooking, maybe painting, jewelry making, writing, possibly get into reading, and do things I need to get done, like go to the dry cleaners, do my laundry, sort through my clothes to get rid of things to the Goodwill, clean my bathroom, etc. It's frustrating to work so much and then go home and not have any energy to do anything or see anyone.

That's another thing, too. I haven't really made many friends up here still. I've met lots of people, but they're also so busy and I feel awkward always being the one to initiate dinners, coffee dates, etc. I haven't talked to any of the new people I have met for a couple months now, and I think it's (a) because of the holidays, of course, but (b) because I haven't initiated anything with them. MINUS Srun. Srun is always asking me to do things with her and explore new things, like cooking classes making takoyaki and yakisoba, ha ha. I see her every day at work, though... I wish I had a friend that I was comfortable enough to just have over for dinner and fun enough to go out to get drinks after work. I have found nice people, people who like to eat lunch in Rosslyn throughout the week, and I have found people who like to drink. But I haven't found a friend yet that shares the same interests as me, have the same goals/outlook/morals...it's just hard to find.

It's comparable to people looking for love, I think. Finding that one person that I love wasn't difficult for me...but then again I lucked out and skipped the whole awkward first dates and the "who is going to pay for this expensive dinner??" conversations and the "I wonder what I need to wear or give him to impress him??" stuff. It was easy for him to ask me to be his girlfriend seven years ago: "Wanna go out?" Imagine if someone asked a girl out when they're in their 20's like that. And BTW: DUH I said "yea!" but we never really went out on a date for a while after. We both were broke, so we never really went anywhere, and the only things we did together for a while is ride together to/from school, sit together at lunch, talk on the phone, and maybe see each other here and there between classes. Ohhh, so simple!!

SO I apologize to all my future girl friends: I have failed to explain everything in regards to dating. I pretty much skipped all that stressful "omg omg omg" stuff that you dwell on all the time! "Courtney, did you kiss on your first date?" "Well, I'm not really exactly sure when our first date happened." "Courtney, when do you move past that awkward dating phase to being comfortable with them?" "I was always comfortable with Anthony...we were always good friends growing up." You see? Every question asked comes with no answer! Now, don't take this the wrong way. I AM SO HAPPY I skipped ALL of that stuff!

Wait, I think I went on a tangent. I apologize. Back to my friends. I wish I had a friend! When I am upset, I call Anthony. He's the one person who can motivate me to stop sobbing and think about something positive. When I need advice, I go to my Mom. She knows just what to say because she's probably been there, done that, and has a lot to say about some situations I've gone through. If I have a big idea about something, I usually go to Anthony too, or Lacey, because they both get really excited with me. If I need to talk about deep deep issues and frustrations, I go to my Dad. He listens and only says the necessary things here and there to really clear up my thoughts; he simplifies the confusing cloud hovering over my head. When I want to act silly or need a break from reality, I try and play with my nieces and nephews and when they're not around, I play with the dogs around me (because there's always one or two). They always seem to make me forget about every worry in my mind.

...Do you see the recurring theme, though? Family and my boyfriend, the ones I love the most, are the only ones really in my life right now (and my roommate, Amelia, who I have really gotten along really well here, but it's somewhat by default). Part of me is completely satisfied, completely happy, and completely confident that those are the only people I need. But the other part of me has always yearned for that one friend to call me their one friend and just be the person they go to and you go to them and never lose touch and never get bored when you're around each other.

That was my Maria, but when I moved, we sort of lost touch. She's not the kind of friend I would forget, and she's always the one I contact first when I hear news about the Bachelor, or when I hear some gossip about someone we went to Tech with. She texts me randomly too, but I wish she was a bigger part of my life like she was all throughout college. I think she will be later, though, because she's still in school and VERY VERY busy herself. We'll see.

In the meantime, I really need to be trying to close my eyes. Maybe tomorrow I can leave work on time. I think a few people I work with are going down to Continental (Rosslyn's only bar, but it's a fun with good happy hours) for a drink after work, so I want to join them. Then I will need to come home and do some laundry because I don't have any clean underwear! (TMI? Nobody reads this anyway, so I don't think I have anything to worry about, ha ha.)

Wish me luck :)

Worst day followed by a good day

Yesterday...for lack of better words...SUCKED SO BAD!! I was working and working and working and helping other people with their work and heard a nasty comment from a coworker towards me about how I was expecting not to stay late last night and I just left work at 10pm and cried and cried and cried and just spilled ALL OF IT onto Anthony. Poor guy. And although I am still hurting from yesterday, mentally and physically, I woke up and had a pretty good day.

I woke up earlier than usual, went to Starbucks to get a chai tea latte, found a lucky penny in my coat pocket (I know it was lucky because I put the pennies I find face up on the sidewalk on my pockets sometimes), I spent the whole day surveying on site with my friend and coworker, Srun, got back to work to help her finish drawings that are due to our client tomorrow, walked home at the same time with another coworker, Carlos, that lives in my complex at 8pm, and grabbed a Blue Moon with lots and lots of oranges!

So I'm sitting here at home, watching TV, eating Amelia's leftover guacamole (yummmmmmmmmmmy) that she and her date wasn't going to eat! Ha ha. Tomorrow is going to be my designated productive day, after a happy hour with a few people from work!

Sunday

Well, it's Sunday, and what have I been doing for the past three days? Sleeping, taking medicine, laying on the couch watching TV, and doing absolutely nothing! I feel a bit better today, though, but I'm still really stopped up and tired. Back to work tomorrow...can't say I'm 100% excited, honestly. It's been so nice having a break from my long hours and stressful deadlines!

I can't wait to get better, though, because there are so many things on my to do list! For one, I really need to organize my life! I have so many things I need to donate to the good will and I have a lot of things to unpack from Christmas/New Orleans. Then, I am excited to make some Cake Pops after getting the new book for Christmas from Andrea, Marty, Rachael, and Katie, and I also need to start running to train for my potential half marathon in June, and I really really need to go hang out with my new friend, Ashley, soon!! Ah! So much to do when I feel better...

Couch Potato

Sitting on this couch is so dangerous!! Not only did I end up buying the Cupcake Diaries book, but I also bought Baking With the Cake Boss, written by Buddy on TLC, and Jelly Shot Test Kitchen: Jell-ing Classic Cocktails-One Drink at a Time for fun!! The jello shot book was written by the woman in charge of this blog:

http://jelly-shot-test-kitchen.blogspot.com/

Now, don't tell me those recipes don't look like fun to make for parties!!

Bought everything through Amazon today, and didn't spend more than $15 on each book, minus the $3ish dollars it cost to ship them to me. Thaaank you, Amazon!

So the next time I am laying on the couch all day, I'll have 3 new books to read!
I'm really super excited for these to be delivered...

Sick Puppy

I have been one sick puppy today. Haven't taken my cupcake pajamas off since yesterday after work! OK minus my hot shower I took last night to open up my sinuses. Woke up at 8am today feeling absolutely awful (I can't remember the last time I was this sick), so I decided to stay home from work to rest.

I fell instantly back to sleep and didn't wake up again until 1pm! I relocated to the couch in the living room but haven't moved much since, except to warm up some chicken noodle soup! I have been coughing stuff up out of my throat all day, so it's a really good thing I didn't go to work today. I would've grossed everyone out, including myself. Haha.

I ordered the new Cupcake Diaries book, written by the Georgetown Cupcake sisters, today too. So productive! I have been debating whether or not to buy it, but I found a good deal on one on Amazon! What would I do without Amazon!?

I canceled all my apartment tours tomorrow and have made the executive decision not to look for apartments again until April or May.

Next goal? Find an inexpensive cake decorating and baking class close to me! I think I have one or two leads...

New Orleans

Spent the first few days in none other than the Big Easy, New Orleans (Naw-lins): the only city in the world where you see more neon feathers on the sidewalks than cigarette butts.

What did we do for those three days? Walk a lot, tour a bit around the city, drank some Abita beers (pretty much the only one on draft there but their Amber Ale was good) and their famous Hurricanes, window shop on Bourbon Street, and listen to a lot and a lot of live bands. Most of which were either waaay too loud but every one of them were really good, that's for sure.

Surprisingly, I didn't see any boobies, only saw two strippers on the street trying to get us to go see them perform (they weren't cute), and one tranny which actually resembled the Hokie Bird in a weird, strange way. Touche to the Michigan man who said, "That isn't one of your cheerleaders, is it?"

OK now to the subject of the game. ...................

...that was totally a catch, Coale. Even Michigan knew it...

Anyway, had a great time, saw lots of the city, and what did I come back with as souvenirs? A few extra pounds and a cold!

Working for four hours today was actually a huge struggle. My throat hurts, my nose is running, my coughs are rumbling out of my chest, and have had the chills since 4pm! I left work a half hour early because I was so miserable, came right home and set up camp.

More specifically Courtney Doesn't Like Being Sick At All Camp: full of cough drops, chicken noodle soup, saltines, ginger ale, tissues, vicks, day/nightquil, emer-gen-c, hand sanitizer, all dressed in my brand new cupcake pajamas (compliments of Cyndy), sitting on the couch with my comforter and pillow from my room.

H-e-a-v-e-n!

It's 2012!!

I absolutely looooove entering a new year. Not only do you get to reinvent yourself, but you get to start fresh. And yes, of course I make resolutions. Or as Anthony says: "false promises." Eh, they're fun nevertheless.

1. Start writing my fiction novel
2. Bake more and take classes to help me grow the hobby
3. Run ...or walk... a half marathon
4. Be more open minded and adventurous
5. Worry less about things that haven't happened and about things that are out of my control

I bet there were more, but I can't remember them. Just not have been very important. Ha!

So I bet you're wondering how I began my year so far.... Started my day off right by meeting an old friend for coffee, but then ate a huge, sloppy burger and tons and tons of fries from wendys on our way to charlotte for our flight to see the vt football bowl game! Good thing eating better isn't one of my resolutions!