Explanation Required

I know I'm not alone. I do feel extremely loved, too. I trust Anthony 100000000000%, and that's not why I felt bad yesterday. Preface: I felt bad yesterday.

To preface even more: Tom and Anthony split to do their own things for the next two weeks, leaving Anthony to hike with a girl ...I keep wanting to call her Monty, but I know that's not her trail name. Marmaduke...Monty...Maury...I can't remember.

Anyway, it's not the fact that he's hiking with just her. In fact, I'm really relieved he is hiking with someone else because I know if something happens to him she'll be there to help, and I am also happy that she has a guy to help her remain safe too because she's a young female all by herself on the trail! Scary...

I think the thing that bothered me yesterday when I was at work is to hear they're eating together, sharing this amazing, intimate experience together...and I'm not able to experience even one day of the trail with him. I think I'm feeling bad because part of me wishes that that could be me spending time with him, but also part of me is happy for him for having a companion. I just wish I was his female companion, that's all :) Besides, Anthony said she's practically a dude so that helps me feel better.

I was surprised, and still am, about feeling bad for that though. Thought 1: I should not feel bad.
Thought 2: Why do I feel bad?
Thought 3: I knowww that there are lots of more trail days ahead of Anthony that I can hike too after he gets back. Thought 4: I knowww there will be tons more memories to make after he finishes too. Maybe even better ones... Thought 5: I just can't stop thinking that this is one of the largest milestones of his entire life and I'm not part of it (physically, that is, I am here for support). Finally thought 6: Ateajktheaklttjiotaowtuaiotuwo

Then again, I wouldn't want to be the one digging holes for my poo and eating oatmeal all the time and sleeping with bugs and rodents...